Marilyn and Rio
About Our M/s Relationship
We were awarded the title of Northwest Master and slave 2023. Many of our friends and family, and also some in the leather community, may not be familiar with what this means, so we put together this description to help you understand.
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Our relationship is one that is Authority-based. Marilyn is the authority in the relationship, and Rio consciously and willingly obeys and serves her. We have a shared and explicit agreement on our dynamic, the result of which is a highly functional, highly communicative, and joyous relationship.
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Because Rio has by her own choice relinquished all of her authority to Marilyn, this is referred to in our community as a Master/slave relationship. We are fully aware of the history of chattel slavery in the US, but this is not that. It is a carefully negotiated and fully consensual relationship.
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With Marilyn’s authority comes responsibility. She guides the direction and structure of the relationship. She listens to, cares for, and respects Rio, and consults her in key decisions, but she is the ultimate authority. Rio is free to give her opinions, but trusts Marilyn’s judgment at a deep level, so she is comfortable with the decisions Marilyn makes. She cares for, respects, and obeys Marilyn.
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Both of us have a primary obligation to our own well-being and are therefore responsible for taking care of ourselves if our relationship becomes detrimental to our sense of well-being or is otherwise no longer personally satisfying.
It may seem dangerous for the slave to surrender authority at the level we do. What makes this a positive experience is that it is completely consensual, and involves deep intimacy and communication. As is often stated in the larger Leather/BDSM community, consent is key, and without consent, you venture into exploitation and abuse. Far from being abusive, authentic M/s relationships foster a deep, shared, ongoing joy, where roles and responsibilities are explicit, chosen, and aligned with each partner’s strengths and desires.
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There exists a large community of people who practice the Master/slave dynamic in their relationships. This community is a recognized subset of the larger “Leather” community. In this community, we support each other through connections, support groups, social gatherings, and a whole network of conferences and other events.
Within this and other subsets of the Leather community there are a number of named titles for which people are selected, either by a competition or by appointment, to represent that community subset. We recently competed in the Northwest Master and slave contest, to represent the Northwest region, and were awarded the title of Northwest Master and slave 2023. You can visit the Northwest Leather Celebration website for more information about this contest, and the responsibilities of those awarded the title. We will be going on to compete in March for the titles of International Master and slave, at the South Plains Leatherfest in Texas.
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We understand the historical baggage that comes with the terms “Master” and especially “slave”. It is an issue that has been at the forefront of many discussions within our community for years, and in fact some in the community do not use these terms. The terms continue to be used because, despite the intense analysis by thousands of people, we have been unable to come up with something that better describes the dynamic of our relationships.
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If you have any questions about our relationship or the title, feel free to contact us together or separately to discuss. We are open to sharing this part of our lives, and look forward to talking with you.
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Another Perspective... from Liza's slave, Jody
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Historically speaking a slave was legally the property of another, could be bought and sold, was not allowed to escape and was forced to work for the owner or master without any choice. As someone who has been slave-identified for nearly five decades, I've always understood there is a vast difference between chattel slavery, described above, and consensual slavery, which is what Liza and I do. As Liza’s slave, I am not forced to be her slave. I consent to be owned by her. I choose to be owned by her. I choose every day, every minute.
Even so, the words “master” and “slave” can be hot-button terms. I don’t think the word "master" is as imbued with the same issues as the word "slave" because master is much commonly used than slave. “Master” has been used for ages to mean having a very high level of knowledge or expertise in a field, such as a master gardener or the master of a trade. In the leather community, the term master is often used in somewhat the same way -- as a person with a certain level of expertise.
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In recent years, I listened when I heard that some leather folk are offended by the use of the term “slave.” So, I struggled. I don’t want to cause someone to be uncomfortable, or worse. And yet, “slave” was and is a big part of my identity. I sat with this for several months, trying on other terms to attempt to describe whoI am. Ultimately, I could not find a word that fit me better than the word "slave" except possibly “property”which can be equally problematic. I realized I could not sacrifice a part of my identity for someone else's comfort. That would be completely contrary to my being my authentic self. I don't push my identity on others. I don’t expect anyone to call me “slave” (except Liza when she chooses to) and Liza does not expectanyone to call her “Master” or “Mistress” (except me, and not that often). It comforts me a lot that an African American slave who I respect greatly wears a t-shirt that says, "slaves get shit done!"